Where is My Mind?

This week has been...well, I've been inside my head too much. I started freaking out while at [insert name for shitholedivebar here] Friday night. I guess a lot of things and a whole lot of nothing have been on my mind. The reason for my mini freak-out was due to my being overly acutely aware at times of being a minority. When in this state of mind, it is no good for me to be hanging out in a shite-hole of a dive bar in Ferndale, surrounded by a bunch of white folks, with about 95% of those white folks falling into the "white-trash" category. Sometimes I think it's kinda wrong for me to think that way, but then I'm sure there's a whole bunch of white folks who would be acutely aware of their caucasianness if they were the only vanilla cone in a sea of chocolate. So why can't it go both ways?
Anyway, during this time I began thinking how badly I need to start finding folks who are in the same situation as me. I need to start hanging out with more minority folks who really understand what it's like to be called an epithet. I'm sorry, but being called a cracker or honky ain't shit to being called a chink, gook, or a jap (among the many other epithets) - add to that the slanting of the eyes and a few ching chong chings to go along with the said-epithet 75% of the time. Yeah. And even then, white folks still can't comprehend what the whole experience actually feels like.
Maybe I'm beginning to sound a bit separatist. Maybe I am to some extent. I mean, shit, living in Amerikkka, especially Michigan, begins to lead people to seek out their own. What about the utopian dream of everyone coming together and getting along? Well, yeah, that's all well and good, but how the shit is it going to happen if minorities make up 95% of the flagholders? Savvy?
Yesterday was good, though. I hung out with Imran and Amy for a bit, and they are good people. I'm just sad that Imran is moving to L.A. in a few weeks, and Amy has an interview in Sacramento next week. If she gets the job, I'll be left at square one. Maybe I'll just become an anti-socialite altogether. Would it be too weird to take out a personals ad to make some minority friends? Don't answer that.